To celebrate an anniversary, hubby took me to the Glasshouse restaurant on the roof of the IFC. Recently I have been feeling down about being different to my colleagues and acquaintances. I could write a whole post on this, and although there are some people who have been unkind to me and tried to push me out, for the most part, people are pretty nice. As a result, hubby planned a surprise “Date night” for us, I think he knew how I was feeling and wanted to cheer me up. I wonder how he knew? Probably because I am too articulate with my feelings. This is the point. I always try to change to please others. Here’s something that Alan Watts said,”There is nothing we can do to be anything else than what we are”
This week I have been thinking a lot about the way I am. I listened to many lectures by Alan Watts, he says that the mind has a problem of thinking, “I would like to be like that“. When I go to work and see people going out every friday night with rich friends, I think; “I would like to be like that“. I see immaculately dressed women in the MTR and think; “I would like to be like that“. I watch Youtube videos of women with massive houses which are spotless and I think; “I would like to be like that”. Recently at work, I feel like I am going through my high school years again, creeping anxiety and insecurity have returned, faux friends on every corner and hurtful comments said with a smile. The fact that I am young and newly married does offend some people. But that is who I am. Alan Watts says; “We cannot expect that human beings can be nice to each“. Why not? I am nice. So why are others not. I don’t want to especially change myself, but the desire to “be like that” comes from the feeling that I am not pleasing to other people. Otherwise why would they act in such a juvenile and unkind way. I want to overcome my expectation that everyone will be nice and pleasant. I guess that is what I want to be like. Someone who does not expect others to be like me.
I often ask myself, what can I do to help others or make others feel at ease. I need to realise that not everyone thinks this way. Alan Watts says, “Being the way I am, I cannot be different from that“. I don’t want to come across as negative or ungrateful. I am very blessed and grateful. I just want to share this, and see how others feel. Thank you to my wonderful hubby for being my biggest cheerleader, and always having my back.
Thanks for reading!